Sworn Off
by Threepwillow
Summary: It started with just redheads, and soon enough, only one person was left who fit Gene's backward criteria. [Oneshot, Fred x Gene, Gene POV, swearing, implied Suzuka x Aisha]


I couldn't date redheads.

That was really how it started, and _that _had a very legitimate reason, thank you. When I was a kid my dad showed me a picture of my mother, a gorgeous woman with hair a brighter red than mine almost down to her waist. To this day I think she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen.

When I was seventeen, I did a search for her, my biological mom. All it did was confirm my suspicions – she was a hooker, working primarily around a place called the Toward Stars Inn. My dad had mentioned staying there more than once before, and it only made sense.

Except it didn't make sense. Why would she keep me? Did she love my dad beyond a quick money-fuck? Did she know he was dead? I couldn't really fathom it, but after that…I mean, who's to say it didn't happen more than once? And that was it – every redheaded chick I saw looked like her. Coulda been my sister. Coulda been my _niece _or my _aunt _on bad days. And I was off redheads for life.

Beyond that, it was cool for a while. I lost my virginity on my eighteenth birthday to a totally stacked blonde on Heiphong III. I was actually on a pretty big blonde kick, and that's how I met up with Iris. Any girl that's good in the sack _and _in the kitchen is right up my alley, after all. It also happened to be how I met Jim – and I know what you're thinking, _not _like that! He was trying to fix the sink in Clyde's bathroom after I…emptied my stomach into it. I was drunk, okay? Shit happens. Or, you know, vomit. Anyway, I felt kinda guilty so I offered to help out, and we worked so damn good together that we went into business.

Then…I met Hilda. She was so amazing that I went off deep voices and the possibility of prosthetics all at once. I couldn't very well go off dark hair, not without losing half a universe of available babes, but Hilda…

I did cry. No one saw it, but I did. A guy's gotta keep up his image, y'know?

After the Leyline – well, by the end of all that, I was off C'tarl _and _chicks that didn't speak. I guess I was never _on _C'tarl, really. Yeah, they've got some _hot _bodies, but they're pretty much all psycho – the chicks anyway. And I dunno what it was about Suzuka that just _irked _me, but it was something. And I need my girls to talk to me, anyway. It didn't help that by the time they stowed back onto the Outlaw Star, they were practically engaged, and I'd heard suggestive noises from Suzuka's quarters – it was never Aisha's, I just realized that – on at _least _two occasions. It was way more than I needed to know, ever. My own little pocket of the universe was swarming with gay people! First Fred, and then - !

But the worst blow to my love life (read: sex life) was yet to come. Yeah, yeah, I bet you're thinking, "What happened to Mel?" I'll tell you what: Iris. Or me. Yeah, you'll say it's all my fault. That I just can't keep my hands to myself. But between Iris and Mel, I ended up back at square one. Jim was pissed at me, Clyde was pissed at me, and now I was off short girls, blondes, and high-pitched voices too. Three in one shot.

So basically, I needed a tall, talkative dark-haired human, with a middle-range voice and who wasn't a lesbian. And who didn't have glasses, because that flashed me back to that Space Race official and that damn cactus, and who didn't have prosthetics, and who had a lot of money no that Jim wasn't exactly on my side. Come to think of it, I needed someone who _was _on my side, and who wouldn't go back on me because of Iris or Melfina or the number of crimes I may or may not have committed.

And this described exactly one person I know.

I told myself I wouldn't fall into this. It's been hard enough to stay out of it for this long, and I know I'll never hear the end of it from _anyone _I know. But it's just too much effort to go out and look for someone new that meets _all _these sort of reverse criteria…

…and so _easy _just to show up here.

"Hey, it's me," I mumble into the intercom thing. "Don't tell him who it is." There's no response, but the deceptive outside door swings open into the grand waiting hall. It's empty except for the guy who buzzed me in, who I freaking _swear _is never off-shift as a bodyguard. He's wearing shades and I _still _know he's glaring at me.

I cough. I gotta break the silence _somehow_. The inner door opens and I flash the bodyguard a grin as I pass. Yeah, that's right, bud. I'm smiling. You should try it sometime.

Who'm I kidding. I'm nervous as shit. I can't do this! This ruins everything I've ever been!

"Geeene! What a pleasant surprise!"

_Fuck_.

"Hey Fred," I manage.

Now _he's _grinning, just a bit too widely to be platonic, and he's sitting up on the edge of his big fancy leather chair. "What can I do for you today?"

_I give up_.

"Gee, I don't know, Fred, why don't you tell me?" And that's when it happens. I'm down across the damn red carpet and practically climbing over his fancy wooden desk and yes, damnit, I fucking kiss Fred Luo, with every lip-locking trick I've picked up in my multi-faceted dating career.

He wasn't expecting it, and now he's out of air and I'm out of moxy. I break off, climb embarrassed off the desk, sit, and stare.

"Oh _Gene_," he swoons, the biggest smile I have _ever _seen on his face.

"Don't faint on me, Fred."

"Gene, why did you – what did – _when_?"

I answer the last one, since it's easiest. "When you told me you hated my prison haircut." Breathe, Starwind. "When there wasn't anyone else left."

By the time he's made it over to the chair I'm in and kissed _me_, his face is flushed totally red, but at least it isn't his hair.


End file.
